Why can't I say?
Thursday, March 1, 2012 @ 6:26 PM
Jiyeon walked into a dark room. The room was without sound. Candles were lit, but the room was still dim, revealing nothing of the time and effort spent to prepare it. There was a sliding sound, and a figure greeted her, stepping away from the lightless room. "Taehyun."
Her heart wrenched as she saw Taehyun. He had been so eager this morning, the light had now gone out of his eyes. She remembered this scene many times. He didn't say anything and dragged her into the room. As she began getting closer into the room, the lighting became brighter, and things were beginning to become more visible.
Taehyun led her to a table, the meal prepared was now cold, the candles that had been there for so long, dripping wax onto the neat table cloth. There was a sliding sound as he pulled out the chair for her, indicating that he wanted her to sit.
They ate in silence.
There was a slight pause in the clinking of silverware, both parties knowing this meal was forced. The meat was hard, and cold. And the ice cream he had prepared was melted. The ice had already melted in the bucket that he had set the bottle of wine in. "I thought she was the one, Jiyeon yah. I really did." His voice was weary and his expression that of a naive boy who had his heart broken too many times over. "I prepared a song for her... I wanted to sing for her... I was going to marry her."
Jiyeon glanced over at the neglected box sitting on his guitar case. "Do you still want to sing?" She stood up from the table, this time her leading him towards the designated spot. She seated herself at the piano, and handed him his guitar case as he sat down.
Taehyun played a tentative chord, then he played the chord progression once to make sure she could follow along.
"Cause baby, you don't need to cryHe had sang the chorus first, and then he sang a couple verses, detailing his love and the hopes and all the cute memories of their love. As the song progressed into the chorus again, Jiyeon opened her voice to sing along. Their voices melded perfectly, it had the harmony it always had. As the song drew to a close, Jiyeon found that her pulse was fast and wouldn't calm down.
I'll always be here by your side
Why are you being like this?
When we seal it with a kiss
I promise you, I'll be with you always."
Jiyeon patted his head gently, a familiar gesture for them. "It's okay Taehyun, I'm here." She quieted him even though she knew he wouldn't cry in front of her. "It's going to be okay."
Jiyeon's heart beat fiercely and she tried hard to quiet herself down. Finally. It had always been like that. Taehyun was always someone else's not hers. He jokingly told her she should get a boyfriend, more than once. He didn't know that for all these years, the only person she loved and ever would love would be him. The words were hard to say "I love you".
Jiyeon clutched her gifts tightly within her hand. Taehyun was running towards her now with a bright smile on his face. She favored him with a bright smile of her own. "Tae--"
Jiyeon was interrupted as Taehyun began talking excitedly, "Nayoung came to see me today. She said she missed me, and that she had spent some time on her own and said she wanted to come back to me."
Jiyeon looked at Taehyun, she listened, without hearing anything. Bewilderment set in, "Taehyun, this girl left you when you were ready to marry her. Taehyun, she cheated on you. I don't know if it's a good idea to go straight back to her." Her hand clenched even more tightly.
"Jiyeon ah... Why are you being like this? Jiyeon, aren't you supposed to be happy for me? You're my best friend."
The word stung. "Friend", she had always wanted to be something more. All these years had counted for nothing for him though. He switched from girl to girl, and came crawling back to her open arms each time one broke his heart. She had smiled for him when he said, "Nayoung, I think she's the one." She had clutched her heart tightly and held it closed, his happiness worth it.
"Taehyun... I just don't think--"
"Jiyeon. If you're going to care so much, and be like this... I'm just going to leave," Taehyun turned his back, and began retracing his footsteps back.
"Taehyun... I told you that I had something I wanted to tell you right?"
"I don't want to hear it. Best friends aren't like this."
"Because what?" His voice was demanding and condescending.
"You... you stupid idiot." Jiyeon retreated, turning her back as her cheeks burned. She didn't know when it had started, but tears were falling down her face. Her footsteps were harsh and heavy as she turned away from him, settling into a running pace. Nothing I do is ever well received anyway.
Taehyun turned as he heard the footsteps rushing off. Jiyeon was already a distance away. The gift that she had been holding had been dropped out of a combination of shock and shame. He unfurled the carefully rolled note.
Do you still remember when we were small?
You always told me you would protect me, and stay with me forever?
You told me you would marry me, thinking that it meant just staying together forever.
Taehyun. I love you, and I always have.
I've always wanted to sing with you and only you.
Inside the note were two phone charms wrapped together. It was two white bears, a smaller version of the same one he had gotten for her on her birthday six years ago. One was holding a guitar and wearing a bowtie, while the other wore a bow and had a tiny piano sitting in its palm.
A warm applause was given to Taehyun and Jiyeon as they finished their song together. It was Jiyeon's Sweet Sixteen and the two had prepared a performance together. Taehyun grinned at Jiyeon and set down his guitar. Her fingers left the piano keys and she turned to him. "Taehyun ah, you know. After the first thing I do with my boyfriend is to get matching phone charms... I also wanna do this with him. I want to play piano and sing with him. It doesn't matter what, I just want to sing together with him. I also want to do this once we're married too. I want him to treat me as if we were still dating."
"I will never love another again."